So I should really really be studying right now but I have managed to get so depressed that I can barely function within an hour. It is amazing how quickly my mental state can change. It is actually hard to even write right now. Its hard to put thoughts together and I honestly lack the motivation to just sit and type. Usually I type blog entries  very quickly and just say whatever happens to come to my mind but I keep pausing every couple words and just stare at the computer then I have to force myself to finish the sentence. The really really crappy part is that I have a 7 hour block starting in an hour. That is going to be hell. I have a test in comp sci and I have already managed to fail 2 tests this week. I can’t focus at all right now and there are soo many things that I desperately need to be working on. Basically since yesterday I basically figured out the reason that I am still alive. Its something that I have been wondering since my present shrink was trying to figure it out and now I have an answer. I guess it just makes me realize how incredibly pointless my life is. It is far easier when I simply don’t think about those kind of things. Honestly I have nothing. I don’t have a past, present or future. I don’t have anyone that I can depend on. I am completely on my own. Almost all my emotions are carefully constructed and the only ones that are actually real are the bad ones. Those ones I can’t seem to completely control. I have absolutely no meaning. I don’t even deserve to exist. The only reason I exist is because I am not allowed to die. I don’t know. I guess its kinda depressing to sit and be aware that your entire life means nothing. I was pretty much aware of that before, but I tried to not think about it. I don’t know. I really want to give up right now. I am not sure what I am going to do or where I am going to go from here. I guess I have to just keep waiting as usual. Whatever. I don’t want to type anymore so I guess I am going to stop.

Good morning dearest. :)
I love to write my thoughts out. They seem to flow better on paper (or on the screen).
As far as your previous post, you have so much of a future! Maybe you see nothing because there's not a specific thing that jumps out at you, when in fact, it means you have incredible potential!
You want someone without a future? David, a shepherd, the youngest, nothing terribly special. He became king. Rahab, a pagan prostitute, became a part of God's chosen people and was a direct anscestor of Jesus. Paul, originally Saul, was the Hitler of the Bible, but he also became the Billy Graham of the Bible. These people weren't going anywhere at first, but look where they ended up! If God can take a shepherd, a pagan prostitute, and a mass murderer and make incredible stories of their lives, my dear, He can certainly use your life for something amazing! *hugs*

How are you dear? You haven't posted in a long time...I hope you are well. <3
Hang in there!
Much love,
Kate